Alligator Joe

 

Gonna tell the story ’bout Alligator Joe

He’s a bad swamp daddy, he’s got the gator mojo

He’s six-foot-nine, stronger than the rest

He’s got an alligator tattoo runnin’ down his chest

He’s got atomic hip boots, you can see him in the swamps

all the gators know he’s comin’  ’cause they hear it when he stomps

Yeah, the gators know he’s comin’ and it fills ‘em all with dread

’cause Joe gonna catch ’em, gonna grab ’em by the head

It gets quiet in the swamp,  all the gators slippin’ down

’cause they know they’re in trouble when Joe’s slippin’ ’round

Yeah, all the alligators get the alligator blues

’cause Joe if he catch ‘em gonna turn ‘em into shoes.

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Pull the cape of Superman, make fun of Rambo

but you better not mess with Alligator Joe

 

(Back it up)

Now deep in the swamps near the Gulf of Mexico

was a little gator hatched about 30 years ago

That little gator hatchin’, well, it caused quite a scene

‘cause he came out snappin’, he came out mean

Well, the momma gator said “You gotta love one another”

but he ate his sister, then he ate his brother

The momma gator said, “That’s a bad thing to do!’”

He said, ‘Chill out, Momma, gonna eat you, too!.”

Well, the momma gator said, “You’re a real gator pest”

so she grabbed him by the tail and she tossed him out the nest

But that gator stayed bad, that’s the point of this song

He’s a bad alligator and now he’s 30-foot long.

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Alligator, Alligator Joe

You can moon Godzilla, kick Bigfoot in the toe

but you better not mess with Alligator

 

(Flash forward)

Paddlin’ a skiff way back of Bayou Black

was a Cajun frog hunter puttin’ frogs in a sack

It was hot, it was dark, you could hear the wind sigh

when that hunter shined a light on a big gator eye

He said, “Whoa, what a gator!” and he reached for his gun

but that gator wasn’t worried, he was just havin’ fun

He dove under water and he gave that boat a whack

’cause a Cajun frog hunter makes a mighty nice snack

Yeah,  they searched and they searched where that frog hunter sank

All they found was a message just scrawled in the bank

“A monster gator got me and I think you oughta know

This is a job for Alligator Joe”

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Alligator, Alligator Joe

You can tell Al Capone he’s an ugly so-and-so

but you better not mess with Alligator Joe

 

Now, Joe was out drivin’ in his alligator car

when the posse chased him down, they said, “Joe, there you are.”

When they told him all about that bad gator’s deed

he headed down the bayou at supersonic speed

He didn’t take a gun, it was part of the plan

He wanted that gator with his own bare hands

We he got to that spot where the hunter was undone

he found that monster gator just lyin’ in the sun

Yeah, lyin in the sun like he didn’t give a hoot

and Joe started yellin’ as he pulled on his boots

He said, “You’re an ugly lizard and I think you ought to know

You’re gonna get your butt kicked by Alligator Joe”

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Go on, tell Dirty Harry that he’s gotta mop the floor

But you better not mess with Alligator Joe

 

Now that bad alligator, he tried a sneak attack

but Joe hopped aside and he gave that beast a whack

The gator bit and chomped, Joe kicked and stomped

and they rolled and they tumbled through the Chacahoula Swamp

Well, Joe had that gator in a real hammer grip

but the gator started thrashin’ and he gave Joe the slip

Joe said, “I’ll skin you if I get you in my paws”

but he found himself starin’ into monster gator jaws

Teeth like knives! A mouth like a cave!

Joe wasn’t screamin’ ‘cause Joe is mighty brave

No, Joe wasn’t screamin’ but I think you oughta know

things were lookin’ bad for Alligator Joe

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Tell Dracula he sucks, tell King Kong that he’s low

but you better not mess with Alligator Joe

 

Sittin’ on the bayou bank watchin’ all this ruckus

was a little Cajun girl puttin’ crawfish in a bucket

A little Cajun girl named SaraBeccaLou

She said, “Hey, there, mister, is that gator hurtin’ you?”

Well, Joe looked up, you know he tried to smile

He said, “Well, I’m pretty strong but this gator’s pretty wild”

She said, “Well, I wrassle gators and when I’m in a pickle

I turn the gator over and I try a little tickle”

Well, ticklin’ an alligator sounded kinda queer

but Joe was in the gator’s jaws about to disappear

So the kid dove in and she found that tickle spot

and that gator started snorin’—believe it or not!

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Tell Saddam we’re gonna kick him to the Gulf of Mexico

but you better not mess with Alligator Joe

 

Alligator Joe put a muzzle on that gator

and he flipped the kid a dime, said, “Thanks, I’ll see you later.”

But the kid said, “Hey, Joe, don’tcha leave just yet,

that gator’s kinda cute, I’d like him for a pet.”

Joe just laughed, he said, “Kid, you’re such a scream

You’ve got a sense of humor I would like you on my team.

We could take this gator with us everywhere we go

And wrassle in the circus for a thousand bucks a show.”

The kid said, “Hey, Joe, I think your plan is rad

but I gotta ax my momma and I gotta ax my dad

and there is one problem, I don’t mean to stall

but let’s get a bigger gator— ‘cause this one’s kind small”

Alligator, Alligator Joe

Alligator, Alligator Joe

You call ax for Superman, you can call for Rambo

but a little Cajun girl save Alligator Joe

 

(I’m a) Cajun Rocker

 

Boudin is made down on Bayou Dularge

crawfish is made in heaven

I met my baby at the fais-dos-dos

I get my Dixie from the 7-11

Well, I’m a man, oh, yes I am

I got a band called the Cajun Rockers (rock it!)

 

My daddy, he’s got him a big shrimp boat

my momma, she cooks the poule d’eau*

My sister moved off up to New Orleans

some say she’s into voodoo

But not me—I’m a man

I got a band, I’m a Cajun Rocker (rock it!)

 

I work in the oil patch day and night

I come home seven-and-seven*

Blow some money at the first beer joint

It’s hell but it feels like heaven

Well, I’m a man, oh, yes I am

I gotta band call the Cajun Rockers (rock it!)

 

Now, way down yonder south of New Orleans

there’s a honky-tonk standin’ on the by-o

The band’s playin’ hot and them Cajun girls trot

yeah, they’re gonna set the place on fy-o

Allons dance’, hey, pocky-way, play “What I Say”

I’m a Cajun Rocker

Fade out…I’m a Cajun Rocker, a born-on-the-bayou rocker…

 

Leavin’ New Awlins

 

Well, I’m leavin’ New Awlins, leavin’ in the middle of the night

I’m leavin’ New Awlins, leavin’ in the middle of the night

There’s a man out my door, and Big Daddy wants a fight

(Lemme tell ya) I’m a peace-lovin’ man, a lovin’ man after midnight

I’m a peace-lovin’ man, a lovin’ man after midnight

but this girl had an apple, she said, “Boy, do you want a bite.” (Rock on!)

 

I said, “Baby, baby, baby, please tell me, do you have a man?

I said, “Baby, baby, baby, please tell me, do you have a man?”

That girl just smiled and she took me by the hand

She said, “I’m a peace-lovin’ girl, a lovin’ girl after midnight

I’m a peace lovin’ girl, a lovin’ girl after midnight

I’m just lookin’ for a daddy know how to treat his momma right.

 

She was a drop-dead beauty, a dark-eyed Cajun queen

She loved so good, she loved me like a lovin’ machine

She said, “Daddy you’re so fine, why is my ole man so mean?” (Oh, lawd)

I said, “Baby, baby, baby, please tell me this ain’t so

‘cause if you got a man then baby I gotta go”

Then all at once there was this loud knock on my door

 

That’s why I’m leavin’ New Awlins, leavin’ in the middle of the night

I’m runnin’ down the alley, lawd, runnin’ for all my life

‘cause that man after me he got a muskrat-skinnin’ knife!

 

Louisiana Blues

 

Seven days out on the water

haulin’ in that trawl for pay

Breakin’ my back for a hundred dollars

blow it in a single day

Louisiana blues, got them bayou man’s blues

 

In a rundown barroom on Main Street

a roughneck’s/redneck’s delight

hard-luck women sellin’ five dollar whiskey

for twenty you could have ‘em all night

Louisiana blues, got them bayou man’s blues

 

My daddy, he works in the oil field

seven-and-seven’s his life

Called up drunk from Morgan City

said he won’t be comin’ home tonight

Louisiana blues, got them bayou man’s blues

 

December the duck’s they’re a flyin’,

Lord, the marsh is a beautiful sight

But they’re tradin’ it in for some oil wells and money

Now somehow it don’t seem right

Louisiana blues, got them bayou man’s blues

 

Out here alone in my pirogue

the north wind’s blowin’ a storm

and I’d trade every muskrat in this whole damn prairie

to be lyin’ in my woman’s arms

Louisiana blues, got them bayou man’s blues

 

On Sunday, I think I’ll go fishin’,

be on the water at daylight

if the redfish are runnin’ out at Cat Island Pass

I’m probably gonna stay all night

To shed those blues, those bayou man’s blues

 

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